2-18: Luncheon Salad

Reporting LIVE (to print), from an undisclosed location in Northern California, USA, currently sheltering-in-place and teleworking due to COVID-19/coronavirus/the apocalypse. It’s getting crazy out there, y’all–stay safe and healthy. And wash your hands.

Since we’re all stuck inside for a while, and I’ve got a big backlog of these to get through (over 50), here’s one more thing to pass the time. 2-18: Luncheon Salad is pure 1980s–turn up the vaporwave (for A E S T H E T I C), find your best matching sweatsuit, and crack open a Tab.

I don’t remember feeling like this salad was a treat–more like a punishment. If you can find some cottage cheese in the store right now, go for it–just don’t invite your friends. #socialdistancing


This isn’t too far off from a Waldorf salad, in case you’ve found yourself out of Waldorfs. It does happen, from time to time.


Ingredients. The picture shows a mix of grapes, but all I’ve got on hand is green at the moment. Ignore the bananas (unless you want to add those into your own version).


Assume the walnuts have already been boiled–here’s them being sautéed.


You’re instructed to tear the lettuce leaves, but you can cut them if you’d like.


Starting to assemble the salad.


Mixing up the dressing.


After mixing/emulsifying.


Final picture. It’s tough to spot the green grapes, but they’re in there. I’ll be honest–I loathe the idea of cottage cheese with lettuce (PTSD from growing up in the fat-free 80s-90s), so this was not my bag. But if you like this kind of stuff (like my grandma would), it’ll definitely check your boxes.

Grade: C-


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